In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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