i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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