be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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