I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
