life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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