I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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