yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
