just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
