I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
