he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
