im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
