I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
