it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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