His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Life is so much better after having sex.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
