I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
