Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
