I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
