I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
