Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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