After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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