I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
North Korea, Best Korea!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize