I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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