if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You need a sexual gate keeper
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
