i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
