I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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