How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i've created a new STD.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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