you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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