if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
