Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
