I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
