i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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