i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
