I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We are two peas in an std pod
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
