Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
