I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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