Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Vodka?
Forever.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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