i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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