billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize