He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
