the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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