too bad you live with your parents still
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
