she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
