I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
