They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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