soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
