quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
