3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She told me I should be a condom model.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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