i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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