why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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