I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
