Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
