It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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