I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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