Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
