I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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