He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
