You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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