____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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