we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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