Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
