remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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