I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
