I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
