pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm eating all of the evidence.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
