Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
