Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
