I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I could make wine with my vomit
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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