Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
