Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So squirting runs in the family.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
