i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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