Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
