I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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