Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
