I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
