Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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