bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
