am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
