i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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