Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
