I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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