the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
